I always told myself I wouldn’t be one of those moms to write a weepy post about her child going to school. I always told myself I wouldn’t make some cute chalkboard with “1st day of…” on it, make my child pose with it, and then promptly and proudly share it on social media.

Ah, whatever! Here’s my post.

So, my daughter starts Kindergarten next week. And I casually broke down and balled last night. Didn’t expect it, or sense it coming. I was merely pillow talking with the hubby, explaining how I was starting to feel some feelings about the upcoming transition into big girlhood for our Stella Bella. He nicely asked a couple followup questions, and they swiftly flipped a switch in me—water works. What the?! The way I proceeded talking (boo-hooing, really) through my emotions was like I was simultaneously lying on the couch AND sitting in the counselor’s chair.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m very excited about many aspects of Stella starting school. I loved school, and we are sure she will, too. She thrives in those types of settings, and she loves to learn and make new friends. This is just one of those truly bittersweet times of life.

So, the biggest revelation from my schizophrenic pillow talk: God has a unique plan for Stella’s life and is intricately involved, working it out daily. Just as I am so sure and familiar with how He guides me and my husband, or how He asks things of us according to His plan, He does the exact same for our daughter. It’s like I thought it only worked that way for adults.

But of course not! My newly 5-year-old daughter (started her relationship with God this year) has just as much of a mission and role specifically and specially designed for her by God as I do. I don’t want my anxiety, fear, and self-perceived control to muddy up the light she will shine…to get in the way of what God is teaching her and showing her  all by Himself.

She is a gift, as all things and people are. She is His, and He is hers. Just as much as I am His, and He is mine.

Have so much fun in school, Baby Girl. Be a light and shine bright. And don’t let anyone–even your Mommy–dim and dull who is inside you.